JLF Western N.C. Blog

Trout Rights

“It’s just not fair!” exclaimed Pete Trout. “Those humans evolved to the point of making factories that make those zooming vehicles, and then –”

“And then they go push mud all over us!” sobbed Molly Trout.

Professor Ed Trout chimed in. “I am trying to reverse-engineer one of those contraptions that fell in the pond two years ago, and every time I get close to a breakthrough, WHOOSH! Some human buries my experiment in silt.”

“We never even heard of silt until those ATV’s came along,” added research assistant Paul Trout.

Mayor Milton Trout stated, “I have been elected to protect the rights of all the Trout people, but whenever I try to tell the local authorities, I run out of water.”

Activist Lauren Trout, spokesfish for GCPRTP (short for the Global Community to Protect the Rights of Trout People) managed to swim upstream long enough to nab the ear of a UN representative in Belize last summer. She believes the agent, who shall remain anonymous, as he is supposed to have been a vegetarian and not fishing for sport when Lauren snapped the photos that she will use if she has to, caught the attention of the federal government as instructed.

Consequently, at 3:00 p.m., next Thursday at Matt Mittan’s Secret Fishing Hole, TPU (short for Trout People United), has invited all the little fishies to celebrate the banning of all-terrain vehicles in the Tellico Off-Road Vehicle Recreation Area of the Nantahala National Forest.

“This is exciting!” remarked Cob Trout, son of community pillars Margaret and Eldon Trout. Cob is going to Trout College to become an environmental advocate. His friend, Trey Trout, hopes to invent the first trout capsule to shuttle Cob to and from Washington, DC.

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