Want Another Donut, Officer?

You’ve heard about pop quizzes. This is an adult beverage quiz. For those who have never crossed the Mason-Dixon Line, pop is a children’s beverage.

Question 1: Why were the ABC Stores among the only businesses open when the radio announcers were telling everybody to travel only if they must, to avoid the icy roads?

1. The state is aware that being under the influence can be conducive to hypothermia, and it wants to create jobs for medical professionals.
2. The state was hoping purchasers would consume on the road, thus creating jobs for highway troopers.
3. The state was primarily concerned with creating jobs for ABC Store workers.
4. The ABC Store employees were so busy losing inventory, they were not aware of the weather conditions.

Question 2: How do I know the ABC Stores were open?

1. Like everybody else, when I heard about the ice storm, I went out looking for one – to generate revenue to educate people about drinking responsibly, of course.
2. The weather reports almost always overestimate snow danger, and I was waiting for all who slam on their brakes every time they see a patch of black pavement to get home.
3. I have been in so many accidents, it isn’t possible for my insurance rates to increase.
4. I consider work a “have to” thing.